Dear consumer, please reconsider your decision to return the freaky talking mask designed to make your baby more interesting.

(from In Persuasion Nation)

So funny, weird, and screwed up. I’ll probably be saying that sort of thing a lot as I work my way through this collection.
I couldn’t find this story for you online, but in Googling the ICS2100 — the I Can Speak ™ model that more closely resembles your baby’s face — I did find this:
Eurologic’s Elantra iCS2100 allows users to take advantage of the availability and scalability offered by shared storage configurations as well as the low cost infrastructure of existing IP based Ethernet networks.
Whatever that is, I don’t recommend strapping it to a human face.